Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
