Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm getting married
To pizza
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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