i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
