I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
