i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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