shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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