Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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