i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
