the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
