I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
