There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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