That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
