i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
