I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
