youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize