quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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