He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
