somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
