You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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