So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
