Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
