whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
