It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
