woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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