physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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