What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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