Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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