So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
