I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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