it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
People in love make me want to vomit
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
