you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so much tequila, so little girl.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
