My balls are so social today.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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