My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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