I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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