Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
