Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
