Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
