In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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