Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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