that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
