i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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