I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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