Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.