this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding