I accidentally had phone sex last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila