I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life