You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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