Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked