Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.