i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.