Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?