you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
