We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
