we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
