i just google imaged poop.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
