The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
