I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize