What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize