I bet he comes in French.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
