I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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