Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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