i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
