I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
