her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening