Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.