Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
