Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
